JEWEL Save The Linoleum (1995) – Promo-Only CD

FrontSave The Linoleum (1995)
Awful, Bizarre Atlantic Promo CD

Personally? Can’t stand her. Which is why this promo-only release is such a great listen. Long before Jewel was embraced at radio, Atlantic Records sent out Save The Linoleum to promote her debut album, Pieces Of You. But later, the label attempted to “recall” this CD – as if that was even possible. One listen and you’ll hear why. In the opener, the non-LP “God’s Gift To Women,” Jewel pounds out a tuneless riff, references her “nice tits” and tosses in a “motherfucker” just for the heck of it. To intro the live track, “I’m Sensitive,” she insensitively tells an audience member to “shut up,” then apologizes cloyingly. The chorus to the abysmal “Race Car Driver,” features a vocal so curious, and so annoying, that we must collectively thank her for never revisiting it. This isn’t some clandestine live bootleg that happened to filter out. This was someone’s clumsy attempt to promote a new artist. Save The Linoleum (save for the two radio-friendly LP cuts) is like a bad accident that simply demands your attention. Amazon’s got some, HERE.

God’s Gift To Women
Intro…

I’m Sensitive (Live Version)

Who Will Save Your Soul (LP Version)

Race Car Driver

Flower

I’m Sensitive (LP Version)

20 Comments

  • 1
    JBL
    April 14, 2007 - 16:40 | Permalink

    Willard, that was completely fucked–beyond cruel. The first track reveals that not only Jewel is an awful singer and lyricist, but that her band sucks as well, considering that they stumble through the changes and the drummer flubs cues throughout.
    And WOW OMG was "Race Car Driver" unbearable. Was that a "Sean Connery by way of the guy that does Sean Connery on SNL" impersonation she was doing on the chorus.

    My only explanation for this was that everyone involved was stoned out of their gourd. Unreal. THANKS!

  • 2
    Capt. Willard
    April 14, 2007 - 20:53 | Permalink

    JBL,

    Your outrage is understandable. But… your disgust should be viewed as a positive. As evidence: the gag response you encountered upon listening. That's a healthy reaction. Your body felt threatened and responded instinctively to the enemy virus. Consider it an affirmation of all that is good. As for the reason? It COULD be bad musicians… or bad marketing… or just bad decision making by all of the above. But, it is… by all accounts… bad.

  • 3
    JBL
    April 14, 2007 - 21:25 | Permalink

    Indeed, this may be some of the worst music I've ever heard. But I believe that sometimes we must endure difficult experiences to emerge from them stronger, better people.

    Today you have aided me in this endeavor.

  • 4
    winkingtiger
    November 5, 2009 - 01:11 | Permalink

    This is just as astonishingly bad as Willard and the other commenters have said. All I wanted to add is that it's just so classy how she rips off Leonard Cohen's "Dress Rehearsal Rag" in "Race Car Driver" and Joni Mitchell's "Marcie" in "Flowers." Buy an idea, Jewelly-puss!

    Thanks for posting, as always… :)

  • 5
    Anonymous
    November 12, 2009 - 02:40 | Permalink

    I just don't understand … this is hilarious and so enjoyable. I love how she tries to go Shakira on "Race Car Driver" before Shakira sang in English. And "God's Gift To Women" is just beyond belief. I hope to cover it at some point in my lifetime. You are right, though, that this is a ridiculous way to promote Jewel.

  • 6
    Capt. Willard
    November 21, 2010 - 06:08 | Permalink

    .
    .
    .
    Find it HERE.
    .
    .
    .

  • 7
    wardo
    November 21, 2010 - 15:31 | Permalink

    Okay, I admit it. I listened to "God's Gift To Women" just because I wanted to hear her mention her breasts.

  • 8
    Allan Rosenberg
    March 23, 2014 - 11:06 | Permalink

    Re: God’s Gift

    If this was Liz Phair and not Jewel we would be calling it brilliant!

    • 9
      Visions
      March 23, 2014 - 13:38 | Permalink

      Methinks Friend Rosenberg has a point.

    • 10
      Willard
      March 23, 2014 - 13:55 | Permalink

      We, kemosabe?

  • 11
    bindlestiff
    March 23, 2014 - 16:50 | Permalink

    I’m with Rosenberg: this is comparable to Liz Phair. I also agree with Willard: it’s bloody awful.
    Too bad, cuz I liked her hit (whatever it was) and she DOES have great tits, which sadly always forgives a multitude of other sins in my book.

  • 12
    Visions
    March 23, 2014 - 17:33 | Permalink

    Until this post I never realized Jewel had great tits. So at least I learned that much.

  • 13
    Sudsman
    March 23, 2014 - 23:10 | Permalink

    She does have really nice tits. And that’s pretty much where my interest ends.

  • 14
    G00man
    March 24, 2014 - 06:13 | Permalink

    “God’s Gift To Women” = Laughably bad. Yet during the entire song all I could imagine is how
    great this could have been in the hands of the Runaways.

  • 15
    zappahead
    March 24, 2014 - 07:20 | Permalink

    OK….after reading and listening to the comments on here…I thought id give it a go and to be fair…its so off key and zany…I quite like it……Arghhhhhh….whats happening to me?….thanks Willard.

  • 16
    BarrieB
    March 24, 2014 - 12:14 | Permalink

    That’s the problem the voice not the song.

    She occasionally gets close to a note, but only occasionally & only close.

  • 17
    roger
    March 24, 2014 - 17:47 | Permalink

    Apart from the obvious “classic” cuts and all the mythology I know very little about Jewel and I probably should. As usual you provide excellent learning materials. Thank you once again. :-)

    Actually “grammy-sized tits” is a pretty funny description, but she was probably just being literal because each tit really is kind of the size of a Grammy – a real poet would have said “talent-sized tits.” Sorry Jewel.

    • 18
      Willard
      March 24, 2014 - 20:14 | Permalink

      Maybe she’s saying “granny-sized.” Totally different visual image.

      Everyone’s talking about the tits tune, but what made my skin crawl the most was Race Car Driver – specifically the way she sings the chorus. I’ve gone back to it repeatedly over the years to see if it’s as horrid as I remember… and it always is.

  • 19
    Clay
    March 27, 2014 - 13:08 | Permalink

    OK I’m going to be brave and admit it, I am a fan of Jewel’s first album and saw her play around that time and was really impressed with her voice (I was actually expecting her to be crap though she had a really strong voice and gave a great performance that night) …. I have hated absolutely everything else she has done since though :)

    • 20
      Willard
      March 27, 2014 - 13:16 | Permalink

      Hey… you’re not alone. Millions liked her and her debut. The real question is… do you like this? Because this is where we separate the men from the boys.

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