Willard's Wormholes

The Legendary Criswell Predicts! (1970)
… That’s Right, My Friends

An honest-to-god hack. Showbiz psychic Criswell gained a small degree of fame from the 60s variety/talk show circuit, but his “legendary” status in cult circles comes from his appearances in two of the worst movies ever made, Plan 9 From Outer Space and Orgy Of The Dead, both by acclaimed “worst director” Ed Wood. Criswell was hysterical, not only for his inane predictions, but also for his awful writing and sideshow delivery. These tapes, recorded at some time in the 60s and released in 1970 on Horoscope Records, feature 42 minutes (one track, sorry) of Criswell going on about everything from aliens to education pills to odor TV. And, while it’s fun to hear how utterly mad some of his visions were, it’s just as fun to hear what he accidentally gets right. In fact… in his first “prediction” Criswell somehow nails the current political climate of the 21st century to a tee. After that… it’s a hootenanny as Cris prophesizes everything from “brain transplant by vending machine” to “men decorating their genitals” (again, accurate). It’s a classic drug party album of the early 70s, issued on a questionably legit CD in the 90s. You can hear an excerpt below. Don’t miss (Ferris Bueller principal) Jeffrey Jones’ characterization of Criswell in Tim Burton’s film, Ed Wood. Oh, yeah… Cris also predicts the exact date when the world will end. But, to avoid worldwide panic, I won’t divulge that information here.