CRISWELL The Legendary Criswell Predicts! (1970)

coverThe Legendary Criswell Predicts! (1970)
… That’s Right, My Friends

An honest-to-god hack. Showbiz psychic Criswell gained a small degree of fame from the 60s variety/talk show circuit, but his “legendary” status in cult circles comes from his appearances in a few of the worst movies ever made, like Plan 9 From Outer Space (HERE) and Orgy Of The Dead, both by acclaimed “worst director” Ed Wood. Criswell was hysterical, not only for his inane predictions, but also for his awful writing and sideshow delivery. These tapes, recorded in the 60s and released in 1970 on Horoscope Records, feature 42 minutes (one track) of Criswell going on about everything from aliens to education pills to odor TV. And, while it’s fun to hear how utterly mad some of his visions were, it’s just as fun to hear what he accidentally gets right. In fact… in his first “prediction” Criswell somehow nails the current political climate of the 21st century to a tee. After that… it’s a hootenanny as Cris prophesizes everything from “brain transplant by vending machine” to “men decorating their genitals” (again, accurate). It’s a classic drug party album of the early 70s, issued on a questionably legit CD in the 90s. You can hear an excerpt below. Don’t miss (Ferris Bueller principal) Jeffrey Jones’ characterization of Criswell in Tim Burton’s film, Ed Wood. Oh, yeah… Cris also predicts the exact date when the world will end. But, to avoid worldwide panic, we won’t divulge that information here.


  • Anonymous
    May 11, 2007 - 01:47 | Permalink

    great post!! i visit your blog every day. :)

  • Capt. Willard
    May 11, 2007 - 06:06 | Permalink

    Many thanks.

  • Evan G
    June 8, 2007 - 13:03 | Permalink

    Wow, he really comes out of the gate strong with the dead-on political predictions, but quickly spirals into tangential weirdness. This is delightful. Thanks much.
    -Evan G at Mega Super Mammoth

  • Rob Rob
    July 26, 2007 - 11:53 | Permalink

    Wow I never dreamed of such a thing!
    An album of Criswell ! I predict awesomeness!!
    thanks so much -I will definetly need a brain transplant later on tonight …

  • Coffee Messiah
    December 17, 2007 - 15:10 | Permalink

    I think the us government is working on the vending machine brain transplant. 1st attempt will be made on gw bush! ; (

    Hey, Thanks much and Cheers to ya! CM

  • Capt. Willard
    December 17, 2007 - 15:27 | Permalink

    You're mistaken Coffee,
    It already took place.

  • shaddrack
    August 18, 2008 - 18:32 | Permalink

    Wearing the same wigs!
    This is going to be good,cheers dude.

  • sefton
    November 4, 2010 - 21:30 | Permalink

    excellent man!

    good you´re back!

  • Anonymous
    November 6, 2010 - 17:53 | Permalink

    great to have you back !

  • Capt. Willard
    November 26, 2010 - 19:45 | Permalink

    Find it HERE.

  • Timmy
    November 27, 2010 - 03:53 | Permalink

    Got it! thanx…. Almost like reliving a George Putnam commentary.

  • sam
    June 1, 2012 - 11:41 | Permalink

  • May 19, 2014 - 10:05 | Permalink

    This is one of my all-time favorite posts of yours. Where else would you find esoteric effluvia as unique as this?

    • Willard
      May 19, 2014 - 10:25 | Permalink

      Still one of my favorite comedy albums.

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